25. Children Obey Your Parents

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Paul’s Epistle to the Ephesians

Knowing Your Privilege in Christ

 “Children Obey Your Parents”

Ephesians 6:1-3 (KJV) 

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 

OUTLINE

  • This is Right (v1)
  • First Commandment with Promise (v2-3)

INTRODUCTION

We continue the series of teachings for blessed, vibrant, harmonious and happy human relationships in the church that permeates into society beginning with the husband wife relationship – wives submit and husbands love your wives.

The submission of the wife to the husband is in the fear of God. Because God has ordained such an order in the marriage as the First Marriage Counsellor, we follow it for our blessing. With the marriage comes the formation of the family with additions when God gives the married couple children.

The bible tells us in Psalm 127:3 Lo, children arean heritage of the LORD: andthe fruit of the womb is hisreward. 

Children are gifts from God to parents. And here in our text, the Apostle Paul addresses the children. He tells them that they are to obey their parents.

It is a holy injunction, the command of God, that children obey their parents. The word “obey” means “submit to”, “subject to”. 

The word “obey” means “to hear under”. It means to listen with attentiveness and to respond positively to what is heard. In other words, children are to put themselves under the words and authority of their parents.[1]

Sam Gordon said well, “The child who is brought up to obey and honour their parents will be always sensitive to their wisdom, counsel and welfare.”

More generally, the word “obey” means “to comply with the commands, orders or instructions of a superior, or with the requirements of law, moral, political or municipal; to do that which is commanded or required, or to forbear doing that which is prohibited.” [Webster]

This is in essence the fifth commandment given to Israel by God through Moses in Mount Sinai:

Exodus 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Deuteronomy 5:16 Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

The word “honour” means to give the esteem due or paid to worth; high estimation. [Webster]

Children honour their parents for God’s glory by giving respect, love, care and giving of their time.

Two thoughts:

  • This is Right (v1)
  • First Commandment with Promise (v2-3)
  • This is Right (v1)

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

It is rightful that children obey their parents because it is the Lord’s will according to His revealed Word. God decrees it. He commanded it. As such, rightly, we follow for our well-being and blessing because God is the Arbiter of truth from error, right from wrong. 

The little phrase “in the Lord” refers to the sphere of pleasing the Lord. It means when a child obeys his parents he is doing it for the sake of the Lord Jesus. When children obey their mothers and fathers it is a reflection of their obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ.[2]

When do children not obey their parents? In matters that will bring dishonour and disobedience to God’s Word.

Acts 4:19-20 But Peter and John answered and said unto them, Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken unto you more than unto God, judge ye. For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard.

The word “obey” is in the present continuous tense, children are to continually obey their parents, it is to be a way or habit of a blessed life.

Children obeying their parents is sadly a non-reality in a fallen world. The Apostle Paul describes in Romans 1:30 the character of the depraved man amongst other traits as one being disobedient to parents – “Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,” Also, in the Apostle Paul speaks of the wayward behaviours of men in the last days, 2 Timothy 3:2“For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,”

What is it right? Here is given the first of man’s interaction with another man. Our own parents, the giver of life to us. The beginning of human relationship begins with a biblical understanding of human authority. This is given so that there will be orderliness in God’s created world.

As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, we all have three homes. 

  • Our heavenly home that is our eternal dwelling place in heaven. This is our family in heaven.
  • Our church home that is our extended family bonded together by the blood of Christ. 
  • Our family home with father, mother and children held together by blood ties.

There is an eternal perspective to our earthly life that we want to bring to you. As we live on earth, we are preparing ourselves for that heavenly home where we will dwell in eternity.

Biblical Perspective of Our Earthly Life

  • Our earthly life is the training ground for our heavenly life.
  • Our earthly life is a temporal sojourn compared with our heavenly life that is eternal.
  • Our earthly life is to be lived as strangers and pilgrims transiting to a better life.
  • Our earthly life is not all there is to life.

Oftentimes, our earth-bound perspective causes us not to see and understand the true meaning and purpose of life that we cannot understand and see unless our Maker revealed it to us.

The father and son relationship on earth is picture of the Father-son relationship we shall have for eternity in heaven. 

To understand this relationship in eternity, our earthly life is the training ground. The purpose and mind of God may not be fully understood by the created being. 

There is an earthly shadow and there is a heavenly significance.

Family Relationship between Father and Son is the relationship we have with the Father in eternity. Why did we have a heavenly Father?

Existence –The word “father” means “the source and originator of”. When you call someone father you are acknowledging that you are from I am from you (Father). Father means “bring about you, come about by”. He is the father of so and so. Called Father means you are from Him. First function of the father is creating you. You cannot come about until you are produced. Concept is that we receive our existence from the Father in heaven. Earthly father is a shadow of the heavenly Father. Without the earthly father, you do not have body. Without a heavenly Father, we do not have spiritual life. From the earthly father, we know that we cannot come about without someone producing you. Similarly, we can understand that without God, we do not have a soul. Why are children conceived and born and not created like the angels? Adam and Eve are created complete in adulthood. No need to grow in wisdom. In Eden, God spoke to Adam and Eve because sin separated them from God.

Likeness –You have a likenessto the Father – we are made in the image of God. Like father, like son! A son’s character or behaviour can be expected to resemble that if his father.

  1. We reflect the attributes or character of God.

In our Lord’s earthly life, He wholly and perfectly obeyed the will of the Father who sent Him.

Nourishing and Glooming –Subsequent function of the father is care and nurture, nourish, educating, typify our heavenly Father maturing us spiritually. 

Thank God for fathers and mothers. Hence, it is right that children honour their parents. We remember their influence in our lives. We remember their love, care and nurturing. The Bible teaches us in the fifth commandment to honour father and mother (Ex. 20:12 cf. Eph. 6:3). This is the first commandment pertaining to human relations and the only commandment with promise of blessing.

Keeping the fifth is foundational to keeping the rest of the commandments. Steve Cole observed well, “If we truly honour our parents, we will not disgrace their name by becoming a murderer, by being unfaithful to our marriage vows, by stealing, by lying, or by the greed and discontent underlying covetousness. The keeping of the Fifth Commandment also works back toward the first four. If we are rebellious and disrespectful toward our parents who gave us life and sustenance, we will also probably be rebellious and disrespectful toward the Lord God, our Creator and Sustainer. Disrespect toward parents and God will also carry over into disrespect for all authority, and thus will result in a breakdown of law and order, leading to a disintegration of the very basis for civilized society. Thus, the keeping of the Fifth Commandment is not some outmoded, quaint idea to be set aside without consequence.”

DL Moody also observed well, “BEGIN IN THE HOME – The first four commandments deal with our relations to God. They tell us how to worship and when to worship; they forbid irreverence and impiety in word and act. Now God turns to our relations with each other, and isn’t it significant that He deals first with family life? “God is going to show us our duty to our neighbour. How does He Begin? Not by telling us how kings ought to reign, or how soldiers ought to fight, or how merchants ought to conduct their business, but how boys and girls ought to behave at home.”

  • First Commandment with Promise (v2-3)

2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 

This is the only commandment with a promise of long life. Is it to be understood literally? It may indeed be so. When we take care of our parents, there is blessing from God answering the prayers of parents for children’s well-being.

Moody said well, “I believe it to be literally true that our temporal condition depends on the way we act upon this commandment. “Honour thy father and mother, (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest live long on the earth.” “Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord they God giveth thee.” “Cursed is he that setteth light by his father or mother.” “Whoso curseth his father or mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness.” 

He further observes well, “It would be easy to multiply texts from the Bible to prove this truth. Experience teaches the same thing. A good, loving son generally turns out better than a refractory son. Obedience and respect at home prepare the way for obedience to the employer, and are joined with other virtues that help toward a prosperous career, crowned with a ripe, honored old age. Disobedience and disrespect for parents are often the first steps — in the downward track. Many a criminal has testified that this is the point where he first went astray. I have lived over sixty years, and I have learned one thing if I have learned nothing else — that no man or woman who dishonors father or mother ever prospers.”

He advises, “Young man, if your parents are still living treat them kindly. Do all you can to make their declining years sweet and happy. Bear in mind that this is the only commandment that you may not always be able to obey. As long as you live, you will be able to serve God, to keep the sabbath, to obey all the other commandments, but the day comes to most men when father and mother die. What bitter feelings you will have when the opportunity has gone by, if you fail to show them the respect and love that is their due! How long is it since you wrote to your mother? Perhaps you have not written home for months, or it may be for years. How often I get letters from mothers urging me to try and influence their sons!”

Moody illustrated well, “Which would you rather be — a Joseph or an Absalom? Joseph wasn’t satisfied until he had brought his old father down into Egypt. He was the greatest man in Egypt, next to Pharaoh; he was arrayed in the finest garments; he had Pharaoh’s ring on his hand, and a gold chain about his neck, and they cried before him, “Bow the knee.” Yet when he heard Jacob was coming, he hurried out to meet him. He wasn’t ashamed of the old man, with his shepherd’s clothes. What a contrast we see in Absalom. That young man broke his father’s heart by his rebellion, and the Jews are said to throw a stone at Absalom’s pillar to the present day, whenever they pass it, as a token of their horror of Absalom’s unnatural conduct.

Come, now are you ready to be weighed? If you have been dishonouring your father and mother, step into the scales and see how quickly you will be found wanting. See how quickly you will strike the beam. I don’t know any man who is much lighter than one who treats his parents with contempt. Do you disobey them just as much as you dare? Do you try to deceive them? Do you call them old-fashioned, and sneer at their advice? How do you treat that venerable father and praying mother?

You may be a professing Christian, but I wouldn’t give much for your religion unless it gets into your life and teaches you how to live. I wouldn’t give a snap of my finger for a religion that doesn’t begin at home and regulate your conduct toward your parents.”

Westminster Shorter Catechism

Q. 63. Which is the fifth commandment?

A. The fifth commandment is, Honour thy father and thy mother; that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. [a]

[a]. Ex. 20:12; Deut. 5:16 

Q. 64. What is required in the fifth commandment?

A. The fifth commandment requireth the preserving the honour, and performing the duties, belonging to everyone in their several places and relations, as superiors, inferiors, or equals [a]. 

[a]. Rom. 13:1, 7; Eph. 5:21-22, 24; 6:1, 4-5, 9; I Pet. 2:17 

Q. 65. What is forbidden in the fifth commandment?

A. The fifth commandment forbiddeth the neglecting of, or doing anything against, the honour and duty which belongeth to everyone in their several places and relations [a]. 

[a]. Matt. 15:4-6; Rom. 13:8 

Q. 66. What is the reason annexed to the fifth commandment?

A. The reason annexed to the fifth commandment is, a promise of long life and prosperity (as far as it shall serve for God’s glory and their own good) to all such as keep this commandment [a]. 

[a]. Ex. 20:12; Deut. 5:16; Eph. 6:2-3 

Westminster Larger Catechism

Question 123: Which is the fifth commandment?

Answer: The fifth commandment is, Honour thy father and thy mother; that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God gives thee.

Question 124: Who are meant by father and mother in the fifth commandment?

Answer: By father and mother, in the fifth commandment, are meant, not only natural parents, but all superiors in age and gifts; and especially such as, by God’s ordinance, are over us in place of authority, whether in family, church, or commonwealth.

Question 125: Why are superiors styled father and mother?

Answer: Superiors are styled father and mother, both to teach them in all duties toward their inferiors, like natural parents, to express love and tenderness to them, according to their several relations; and to work inferiors to a greater willingness and cheerfulness in performing their duties to their superiors, as to their parents.

Question 126: What is the general scope of the fifth commandment?

Answer: The general scope of the fifth commandment is, the performance of those duties which we mutually owe in our several relations, as inferiors, superiors, or equals.

Question 127: What is the honour that inferiors owe to their superiors.?

Answer: The honour which inferiors owe to their superiors is, all due reverence in heart, word, and behaviour; prayer and thanksgiving for them; imitation of their virtues and graces; willing obedience to their lawful commands and counsels; due submission to their corrections; fidelity to, defense and maintenance of their persons and authority, according to their several ranks, and the nature of their places; bearing with their infirmities, and covering them in love, that so they may be an honour to them and to their government.

Question 128: What are the sins of inferiors against their superiors?

Answer: The sins of inferiors against their superiors are, all neglect of the duties required toward them; envying at, contempt of, and rebellion against, their persons and places, in their lawful counsels, commands, and corrections; cursing, mocking, and all such refractory and scandalous carriage, as proves a shame and dishonor to them and their government.

Question 129: What is required of superiors towards their inferiors?

Answer: It is required of superiors, according to that power they receive from God, and that relation wherein they stand, to love, pray for, and bless their inferiors; to instruct, counsel, and admonish them; countenancing, commending, and rewarding such as do well; and discountenancing, reproving, and chastising such as do ill; protecting, and providing for them all things necessary for soul and body: and by grave, wise, holy, and exemplary carriage, to procure glory to God, honour to themselves, and so to preserve that authority which God has put upon them.

Question 130: What are the sins of superiors?

Answer: The sins of superiors are, besides the neglect of the duties required of them, an inordinate seeking of themselves, their own glory, ease, profit, or pleasure; commanding things unlawful, or not in the power of inferiors to perform; counseling, encouraging, or favouring them in that which is evil; dissuading, discouraging, or discountenancing them in that which is good; correcting them unduly; careless exposing, or leaving them to wrong, temptation, and danger; provoking them to wrath; or any way dishonouring themselves, or lessening their authority, by an unjust, indiscreet, rigorous, or remiss behaviour.

Question 131: What are the duties of equals?

Answer: The duties of equals are, to regard the dignity and worth of each other, in giving honor to go one before another; and to rejoice in each other’s gifts and advancement, as their own.

Question 132: What are the sins of equals?

Answer: The sins of equals are, besides the neglect of the duties required, the undervaluing of the worth, envying the gifts, grieving at the advancement of prosperity one of another; and usurping preeminence one over another.

Question 133: What is the reason annexed to the fifth commandment, the more to enforce it?

Answer: The reason annexed to the fifth commandment, in these words, That thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God gives thee, is an express promise of long life and prosperity, as far as it shall serve for God’s glory and their own good, to all such as keep this commandment.

CONCLUSION

May the Lord instill the discipline of obedience to children! Amen.

[1] Sam Gordon, The Genius of Grace – the message of EPHESIANS, Ambassador Publications, 2003, 361.

[2] Ibid., 362.