9. Your Relationships (1) – What Is Friendship to You?
Hymns: RHC 311 Does Jesus Care? 333 Yesterday, Today, Forever 358 What a Friend We Have in Jesus
Colossians 2:1-10
1 For I would that ye knew what great conflict I have for you, and for them at Laodicea, and for as many as have not seen my face in the flesh; 2 That their hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgement of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ; 3 In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. 4 And this I say, lest any man should beguile you with enticing words. 5 For though I be absent in the flesh, yet am I with you in the spirit, joying and beholding your order, and the stedfastness of your faith in Christ. 6 As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him: 7 Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving. 8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. 9 For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. 10 And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:
In Your Relationships (1) – What Is Friendship to You?
OUTLINE
- Who are the right friends? (v1-3)
- Beware of getting the wrong friends! (v4—8)
- Who is your best Friend? (v9-10)
INTRODUCTION
What is friendship to you? Can you tell me one word to describe friendship to you? It simply is a close trusting relationship between two people, a simple relationship to you or loving companionship.
Solomon observed well in Proverbs 17:17 (KJV) A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
Literal translation: All the time loving the friend, and a brother for distress is born.
Observe firstly the emphasis of the author is the phrases placed at the beginning of the sentence “all the time” and “a brother”. A true friend is characterized as one who loves all the time, not sometime or most times but every time. Such a friend is called a brother this is the term of endearment used. He is seen during the time of adversity to render useful help.
A friend, a sincere and hearty friend, loves at all times, not only in prosperity but also in adversity, when false friends forsake us. A brother, who is so not only by name and blood, but by brotherly affection, is born for adversity; was sent into the world for this among other ends, that he might comfort and relieve his brother in his adversity. So this proverb compares a friend with a brother, and shows that a friend does that freely, and by choice, which a brother does by the force and obligations of nature. So the sense is, He is a friend at all times, but in adversity he is more than all ordinary friend, even a brother. (Bridges)
True Friends loves to each other at all times. Friendships are not true when they are not constant and not sincere. There are those who are self serving in their friendship.
Be caring and look out for one another especially in affliction.
A brother is born to succour/relieve/help a brother or sister in distress. He may the more sensibly feel from their burdens, and be the more strongly inclined and engaged, as it were by instinct, to help them. We must often consider what we were born for, not only as men, but as in such a station and relation. Who knows but we came into such a family for such a time as this? A friend that loves at all times is born (that is, becomes) a brother in adversity, and is so to be valued. Therefore, go slowly to the entertainment of thy friends, but quickly to their misfortunes. (Bridges)
Bridges insightfully said, “A true friend loveth at all things, through “evil as well as good report.” He does not change. He is the same, whether we are in wealth or need. He proves himself in adversity, by rising in warmth, and exerting every nerve, in proportion as his aid is needed. He is not ashamed of poverty or of a prison. Indeed, adversity cement love.”
Jonathan was such a friend to David. He gave up a kingdom for friendship (1 Samuel 18-20, 23). A friendship that is without self-interest is rare and beautiful. Christian friendship is a gift from God.
- Who are the Right Friends? (v1-3)
1 For I would that ye knew what great conflict[1] I have for you, and for them at Laodicea, and for as many as have not seen my face in the flesh; 2 That their hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgement of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ; 3 In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
The Apostle Paul was a true friend to the church the church in Colosse writing of his love for them in his imprisonment even though he had not seen them personally. He speaks of his love for the church at Colosse that is founded and grounded in Christ (v1-3), giving us the basis for true friendship, built upon God’s love, the love for God and the love for the brethren.
True friends point us to Christ as the basis for true friendship. Christ lay the foundation for true friendship by His sacrifice to save us from our sins, impacting our lives for eternity.
John 15:13-15 (KJV) Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.[2]
14 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. 15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.
John 15:16-17 (KJV) Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you. These things I command you, that ye love one another.
Understand Christ’s love for us enables us to love rightly – 2 That their hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgement of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ; 3 In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
Knit together is one word in the Greek, συμβιβάζω[3], of the church as the body of Christ be united together, be joined. The word means “to cause to coalesce, to join together.
A bond that is brought together by God’s love in Christ. The comfort that comes from the comfort of the Holy Ghost.
These are the hidden treasures of wisdom and knowledge. A love for God that moves us to love our brethren to impact them for eternity.
Such was the love of Ittai, Shobi and others for David.
2 Samuel 15:19-22 (KJV) Then said the king to Ittai the Gittite, Wherefore goest thou also with us? return to thy place, and abide with the king: for thou art a stranger, and also an exile. Whereas thou camest but yesterday, should I this day make thee go up and down with us? seeing I go whither I may, return thou, and take back thy brethren: mercy and truth be with thee. And Ittai answered the king, and said, As the LORD liveth, and as my lord the king liveth, surely in what place my lord the king shall be, whether in death or life, even there also will thy servant be. And David said to Ittai, Go and pass over. And Ittai the Gittite passed over, and all his men, and all the little ones that were with him.
2 Samuel 17:27-29 (KJV) And it came to pass, when David was come to Mahanaim, that Shobi the son of Nahash of Rabbah of the children of Ammon, and Machir the son of Ammiel of Lo-debar, and Barzillai the Gileadite of Rogelim, Brought beds, and basons, and earthen vessels, and wheat, and barley, and flour, and parched corn, and beans, and lentiles, and parched pulse, And honey, and butter, and sheep, and cheese of kine, for David, and for the people that were with him, to eat: for they said, The people is hungry, and weary, and thirsty, in the wilderness.
Such was the love of Joseph to his brethren; unshaken by vicissitudes, unabated by ingratitude.
Genesis 45:5-8 (KJV) Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life. For these two years hath the famine been in the land: and yet there are five years, in the which there shall neither be earing nor harvest. And God sent me before you to preserve you a posterity in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God: and he hath made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt.
Such was the firm cleaving of Ruth to her desolate mother.
Ruth 1:16-17 (KJV) And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.
The unity of heart David and Jonathan.
1 Samuel 18:3 (KJV) Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.
1 Samuel 18:4 (KJV) And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle.
1 Samuel 23:15-17 (KJV) And David saw that Saul was come out to seek his life: and David was in the wilderness of Ziph in a wood. And Jonathan Saul’s son arose, and went to David into the wood, and strengthened his hand in God. And he said unto him, Fear not: for the hand of Saul my father shall not find thee; and thou shalt be king over Israel, and I shall be next unto thee; and that also Saul my father knoweth.
The affectionate sympathy of the beloved disciple to the Mother of his Lord – John 19:27 (KJV) Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home.
The faithful love of the brethren for the Apostle Paul in his adversity.
Romans 16:3-4 (KJV) Greet Priscilla and Aquila my helpers in Christ Jesus: Who have for my life laid down their own necks: unto whom not only I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles.
Philippians 2:25-26 (KJV) Yet I supposed it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus, my brother, and companion in labour, and fellowsoldier, but your messenger, and he that ministered to my wants. For he longed after you all, and was full of heaviness, because that ye had heard that he had been sick.
The Apostle Paul speaks of such love he had for the church in Colosse. He was a true friend to the chuch at Colosse.
- Beware of the Wrong Kind of Friends (v4-8)
4 And this I say, lest any man should beguile you with enticing words. 5 For though I be absent in the flesh, yet am I with you in the spirit, joying and beholding your order, and the stedfastness of your faith in Christ. 6 As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him: 7 Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving. 8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.
He warns them that will deceive you with enticing words – persuasive speech that is not grounded in God’s love, unconditional and sacrificial. Beware lest they spoil you through philosophy[4] and vain deceit[5].
After the tradition of men, after the rudiments (elementary principles) of the world and not after Christ. These will drive you away from Christ. A true disciple of Christ will live against the grind of the world’s system held by Satan, the devil.
John 15:18-20 (KJV) If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.
The world is the external foe, the enemy out there that sought to infiltrate the church by infiltrating and stealing the mind of God’s people, winning our friendship.
The psalmist warns likewise in Psalm 1:1 (KJV) Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
The first step, notice that the psalmist presents the negative in a triac “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.” Notice there is an increase of sense in successive phrases.
The first are ungodly, as to their mind, the second are sinners, who not only think, but carry out the workings of their evil mind. The third scorner glorying in their wickedness and scoffing at righteousness. The first continue in that mind of taking evil counsel, the second carry it out, as the principle of their walk and the third settle down in their evil, as on a seat.
The next step of rebellion to stand in the way of sinners. A logical progression in the slippery downward slide to destruction, to “stand” here means to have made a choice, to choose the way of sinners. To stand with someone is to agree with him and to take the side of him, who? The sinner! The way of the world, ruled by the prince of this world, Satan himself. Eve chose to stand with the lie of Satan instead of the truth of God’s Word. That influenced her to pick the forbidden fruit and eat.
The third degree sin is “seat in the sit of the scornful”. Having listened to the enticement of the Serpent, now Eve becomes chief advocate for Satan, she gave the forbidden fruit that she has eaten for Adam to eat, plunging all humanity into total depravity and utter hopelessness.
A study of the word “scorner” used in the Bible tells us that he is one who is proud and haughty, delights in boasting, deriding, mocking, incapable of discipline, reproof or rebuke, cannot find wisdom, is an abomination and should be avoided. Hence the importance of separation from sinful companion, such is the potency and influence of evil companions, separation from the world – dear friends, we must be careful to choose our friends, and help our loved ones in the choice of friends, especially for every father and mother our children!
Such friendship reap bitter fruit as Job found out.
As one writer said, “They will love no longer than their humour is pleased and their interest served, and therefore their affections turn with the wind and change with the weather. Swallow-friends, that flies to you in summer, but are gone in winter; such friends there is no loss of.”
Job saw the reality of shallow-friends, relatives in the midst of the greatest trial in his life.
Job 19:13-22 “He hath put my brethren far from me, and mine acquaintance are verily estranged from me. My kinsfolk have failed, and my familiar friends have forgotten me. They that dwell in mine house, and my maids, count me for a stranger: I am an alien in their sight. I called my servant, and he gave me no answer; I intreated him with my mouth. My breath is strange to my wife, though I intreated for the children’s sake of mine own body. Yea, young children despised me; I arose, and they spake against me. All my inward friends abhorred me: and they whom I loved are turned against me. My bone cleaveth to my skin and to my flesh, and I am escaped with the skin of my teeth. Have pity upon me, have pity upon me, O ye my friends; for the hand of God hath touched me. Why do ye persecute me as God, and are not satisfied with my flesh?”
When Job’s friends did not open their mouth but was there to lend a listening ear, they were a comfort to him.
Job 2:11-13 “Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him. And when they lifted up their eyes afar off, and knew him not, they lifted up their voice, and wept; and they rent every one his mantle, and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven. So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.”
However, when they started judging him that was when they caused him untold distress.
Job 6:14-15 “To him that is afflicted pity should be shewed from his friend; but he forsaketh the fear of the Almighty. My brethren have dealt deceitfully as a brook, and as the stream of brooks they pass away.”
Job 16:2 “I have heard many such things: miserable comforters are ye all.”
Job 16:20 “My friends scorn me: but mine eye poureth out tears unto God.”
But if the friendship be prudent, generous, and cordial, if I love my friend because he is wise, and virtuous, and good, as long as he continues so, though he fall into poverty and disgrace, still I shall love him. Christ is a friend that loves at all time – John 13:1 “Now before the feast of the passover, when Jesus knew that his hour was come that he should depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved his own which were in the world, he loved them unto the end.”
For Job, his friends turn away from him with the degradation of his worldly circumstances, his friends turned indifferent toward him, or even into hatred.
Job 6:14-15 (KJV) To him that is afflicted pity should be shewed from his friend; but he forsaketh the fear of the Almighty. My brethren have dealt deceitfully as a brook, and as the stream of brooks they pass away;
The friend who hath left the right path, is forsaken, instead of being followed, watched over, and every opportunity improved for reclaiming him. Such is a true friend.
- Who Is Your Best Friend? (v9-10)
9 For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. 10 And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:
It is true that human friends are not perfect. We must not look for perfection. Can we doubt the sincerity of the disciples, while we are humbled, instructed and warned by their frailty?
Matthew 26:40-41 (KJV) And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
For frailty it was; not wilfilness, nor hypocrisy. ‘Ye are they, that have continued with me in my temptation” – was their Master’s kindly acknowledgement at that season of infirmity, when they all forsook him, and fled.
Luke 22:28 (KJV) Ye are they which have continued with me in my temptations.
Luke 22:27 (KJV) For whether is greater, he that sitteth at meat, or he that serveth? is not he that sitteth at meat? but I am among you as he that serveth.
Luke 22:29-30 (KJV) And I appoint unto you a kingdom, as my Father hath appointed unto me; That ye may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom, and sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel.
Matthew 26:56 (KJV) But all this was done, that the scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled. Then all the disciples forsook him, and fled.
We must look to Christ for in Him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily and we are are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power.
We are up against the organised demonized forces of fell. We are not wrestling with flesh and blood but principalities and powers. And they have strong, wicked beliefs. The only thing that can destroy a lie is the truth. We are in a spiritual battle – against the world, the flesh and the devil.
Bridges said well, “Indeed, it is to Him that we must look as the perfect exemplar. To see the Son of God in our nature, that He might our friend and brother (Hebrews 2:14); to hear him “not ashamed to call us brethren. This is the mystery of friendship – unsearchable. Such is the constancy of His love – at all times (John 13:1), even unto death – unaltered by the most undutiful returns – “turning looking upon” the disciples (a look so full of tenderness and power!), Luke 22:61 which we would have excommunicated.”
Hebrews 2:14 (KJV) Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil;
John 13:1 (KJV) Now before the feast of the passover, when Jesus knew that his hour was come that he should depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved his own which were in the world, he loved them unto the end.
Luke 22:61 (KJV) And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.
Such is the sympathy of His love – born for adversity; so united to us – the friend and brother in need; never nearer to us than when in our lowest depths of trouble; and, though now our glorified Brother in heaven, yet still “touched with the feelings of our infirmities (Hebrews 4:15); still “afflicted in all our afflictions”; presenting us to His Father, as His own elect, purchased by His blood, “members of His body, of his flesh, and of his bones” (Ephesians 5:30).
Hebrews 4:15 (KJV) For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
Isaiah 63:9 (KJV) In all their affliction he was afflicted, and the angel of his presence saved them: in his love and in his pity he redeemed them; and he bare them, and carried them all the days of old.
Ephesians 5:30 (KJV) For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
Here is sympathy in all its fullness, and all its helpfulness. ‘Here is indeed a Brother born for adversity. “Trust Him,” o ye trembling believers, “at all times,” and in all places. You will then be possessed of the happy art of living beyond the reach of all disappointment.[6] What a Friend we have in Jesus.
Jesus is described as Friend of sinners – Matthew 11:19 “The Son of man came eating and drinking, and they say, Behold a man gluttonous, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners. But wisdom is justified of her children.”
He called His disciples friends – Luke 12:4 “And I say unto you my friends, Be not afraid of them that kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do.”
John 15:13-15 “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.”
The NT highlights the connection between friends and joy.
Luke 15:6 “And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.”
Luke 15:9 “And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost.”
Luke 15:29 “And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends:”
As well as warning of friends proving false – Luke 21:16 “And ye shall be betrayed both by parents, and brethren, and kinsfolks, and friends; and some of you shall they cause to be put to death.”
James 4:4 “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.”
3 John 1:14 But I trust I shall shortly see thee, and we shall speak face to face. Peace be to thee. Our friends salute thee. Greet the friends by name.
CONCLUSION
Let us cherish our Lord Christ and His body. Amen.
[1] Conflict literally (athletic) contest; metaphorically race (that is, course) of life (Hebrews 12:1); of exertion and self-denial in the face of opposition conflict, struggle, fight; figuratively, of intense nonphysical struggle, conflict (1Thessalonians 2:2).
[2] Romans 5:6-8 (KJV) For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Ephesians 5:2 (KJV) And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
1 John 4:7-11 (KJV) Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
[3] βιβάζω bibázō (to force; causative (by reduplication); to drive together, that is, unite (in association or affection), (mentally) to infer, show, teach: — compact, assuredly gather, intrust, knit together, prove – Strong’s Concordance
[4] philosophy, love of wisdom, pursuit of wisdom; in a negative sense in the NT, of a worldview opposed to that derived from divine revelation human wisdom or understanding (Colossians 2:8) – Friberg Lexicon
[5] trickery, deceitfulness, deception (Colossians 2:8); of the appeal of riches temptation, seduction, delusion (Matthew 13.22); of the attractiveness of sin deceit, deception (Hebrews 3.13); of pleasure that involves one in sin deceitful pleasure, evil fun, dissipation (2Peter 2:13)
[6] Charles Bridges, Proverbs, The Banner of Truth Trust, 1994, 267-269.