18. Your Relationships – Sacred Roles

Hymns: RHC 471 A Christian Home 472 Happy the Home When God Is There 475 All Father All Creating

Colossians 3:18-4:1

¹⁸ Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. ¹⁹ Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. ²⁰ Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. ²¹ Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

²² Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God: ²³ And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; ²⁴ Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ. ²⁵ But he that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons. ^4:1 Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven. (Col. 3:18-4:1 KJV)

In Your Relationships – Sacred Roles

OUTLINE

• Familial (v18-21)
  • Wife (v18)
  • Husband (v19)
  • Children (v20)
  • Father (v21)
• Work (v22-24; Col. 4:1)
  • Servant (v22-24)
  • Master (Col. 4:1)

INTRODUCTION

The pre-eminence of Christ in our families and in our workplace is the exhortation in this text. These are sacred roles that God places us in and the Apostle Paul sought to instruct believers on the biblical perspectives so that we may glorify Him in our homes and our workplaces.

Husband accused the wife of lying about their family accounts, wife got angry and slapped the husband, husband stood up and beat the wife. Wife called the police. She went to the hospital to examine the wounds, decided not to charge the husband to preserve the family unit. Husband is waiting for retrenchment letter having worked in the company for nearly 30 years – some colleagues already laid off without compensation, two children – one in “A” level and the other doing some part-time work. 

Observation: Husband comes to church for the past 30 years, married in church. What can be done to help such a family? Family life grinds to a stand still. It took nearly a year for the couple to finally come together again. The fault is not always with the husband, the wife has a role too. We would like to see what the bible says on the wife’s role in a marriage relationship.

Somehow the knowledge of God’s Word is not translated to a meaningful change of heart. We give a mental assent but lack an inner conviction to walk with God, to live as a true Christian! What can be done?

• Familial (v18-21)
  • Wife (v18)

¹⁸ Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 

Woman – A Heart that Obeys and Submits.

The word “submit” (ὑποτάσσω, hupotassō) used here is a command from God as it was used in Ephesians 5:22.

Ephesians 5:22 (KJV) Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

It has to do with action which is in progress and it presents a continuous or repeated action – “the present imperative.” It is in the middle voice. The subject of the verb doing the action on a voluntary basis! The exercise of submission is to be done freely as opposed to the passive verb that imposes the will on the person. There is no element of force here just as the church’s submission to Christ. [Ephesians, Hoehner, 731] 

In other words, the wife is commanded by God to voluntarily be subordinated under her own husband. She has to do so without proxy, to do so herself. 

The word “submit” is a compound word that consist of the preposition “ὑπο” or “hupo” which means “under” + the verb “τάσσω” or “tassō”which means “to arrange, to set, to appoint”. Hence, to place or arrange under, to subordinate [The New Analytical Greek Lexicon, Perschbacher], “be subject to or put in submission.” [Friberg Analytical Lexicon] 

The King James translators rightly used “submit yourselves”. It describes a “personal willing submission.” [Complete Dictionary of New Testament Words, Zodhiates] 

The same word is translated “obedient” in Titus 2:5. It is to be a spiritual, continuous life-style. The context in v18 and Ephesians 5:18 tells us that this submission is to be in the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Titus 2:5 (KJV) To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Ephesians 5:18 (KJV) And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

Dear friends, is this the order for you?

The opposite of submission is the word “ἀνυπότακτος” from the word “ἀ” which is a negation or “without” and the root word “ὑποτάσσω” “hupotassō” which means “not subject to rule” or without submission Just like the word “lawless” “ἄνομος” without law. 

Apostle Paul uses this word 3 times, firstly, in 1 Timothy 1:9 “Knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers.” Also, in Titus 1:6 “If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly.” Titus 1:10 “For there are many unruly and vain talkers and deceivers, specially they of the circumcision:”

Submission is “Lord-ward”

Submission is not merely an outward formality but inwardly with a wholehearted devotion, though it is manifested in outward obedience. It is submission to the Lord when submitting to our husbands. It removes the notion of self-will. 

Does it mean that the wife gives up all initative or creativity? asked Walter and Trudy Fremont in the book “Formula for Family Unity”, the answer they conceded rightly is no, citing Proverbs 31 that describes the wife “as creative and have initiative even within the framework of her submissive role.” There is a frame-work for her blessing that God has ordained that she is asked to see. It begs the question “how”. It is exemplified as the Christian’s submission to the Lord. This is God’s formula for unity and success in family life.

The adverb “as” answers the question “how”, it describes “in what manner or way” [The Complete Dictionary of New Testament, Zodhiates], it suggests “an anology or comparison between the connected ideas or tell how something is done” [Greek Grammar Beyond Basics, Wallace, 762] 

Illustration of Sarah’s submission to Abraham 

1 Peter 3:5-6 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

The manner in which Sarah submission to Abraham is by her obedience “ὑπακούω” or “hupokouō” from preposition “ὑπο” or “hupo” and the verb “ἀκούω” “aknuō”, that is, she listened and followed Abraham. That’s the trait of biblical submission.

Question: Is there any fear on the part of the Christian to submit to the Lord in all things? This fear is negative, it stems from faithlessness. The answer is no. Why? Because the believer knows the character of God to care for His own, he will not forsake them nor fail to care for them. Calvin answers well, “The weakness of the sex causes women to be suspicious and timid, and therefore morose (Of a sour temper; severe; sullen and austere); for they fear lest by their subjection, they should be more reproachfully treated. It was this that Peter seems to have had in view in forbidding them to be disturbed by any fear, as though he had said, “Willingly submit to the authority of your husbands, nor let fear prevent your obedience, as though your condition would be worse, were you to obey.” In fact, observed Walter and Trudy Fremont, “the average woman does not instinctively seek the submissive position, but learning to give the husband the lead will give her a tremendous psychological security and eliminate many frustrations from her life.” [Formula for Family Unity, Walter and Trudy Fremont, 46]  

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3)

To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:5)

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives…For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. (1 Peter 3:1,5-6)

A Trusting Heart in the Lord’s Sovereign Power for Good

This submission of the wife “as to the Lord” has the sense of a trusting relationship, as we trust the Lord (1 Peter 3:5), we submit to our husbands. The wife knows that the sovereign care of God in ordering all things in a believer’s life and therefore she is aware of God’s abiding care for her to release her anxieties and allow God to lead by entrusting her life to the headship of her husband. This submission has no qualification, we are to submit in everything (Eph. 5:24b) as it is also given in “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit (right) in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18) It sees beyond circumstances to the sovereign power of God working out something good behind the scene.   

Ephesians 5:24 (KJV) Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

A Lordship Exemplified by Christ’s Relationship with the Church 

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. (Ephesians 5:23-24)

(a) Christ is Head – A God ordained Order

As Christ is the head of the church, the head of the home, the husband is the head of the wife. He is the God-ordained leader in the family. The wife is to recognize this God-ordained role of the husband and receive blessing in helping the husband fulfill his role as head.

(b) Christ is Saviour – A Guaranteed Security 

As Christ is the saviour of the body, He gave Himself to guarantee the strength or power behind this Lordship. It is for a guarantee of help by a covenant of blood. If the wife is able to see the big picture and the Lord’s help in the relationship, it will dispel all fear and it will promote her submission. Since God is the one who ordains the order of the relationship, He is also the one guarantee the workability of that order. The woman who submits receives God’s blessing – A Guaranteed Security as seen in Christ’s triumph over man’s last enemy – death and is alive, at the right hand of the Father, helping the wife in her perseverance to fulfill this order. 

Question:

• What is preventing the woman from submitting to the husband?
• How can the woman be helped in fulfilling this role of a submissive wife?