20. Your Relationships – Sacred Role of Children

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Hymns: RHC 323 Trust and Obey 521 God Is Always Near Me 532 Saviour, Like a Shepherd Lead Us

Colossians 3:20

20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. 

In Your Relationships – Sacred Role of Children

OUTLINE

  • Familial (v18-21)
    • Wife (v18)
    • Husband (v19)
    • Children (v20)
    • Father (v21)
  • Work (v22-24; Col. 4:1)
    • Servant (v22-24)
    • Master (Col. 4:1)

INTRODUCTION

Here is given the first of man’s interaction with another man. Our own parents, the giver of life to us. The beginning of human relationship begins with a biblical understanding of human authority. This is given so that there will be orderliness in God’s created world.

As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, we all have three homes. 

  • Our heavenly home that is our eternal dwelling place in heaven. This is our family in heaven.
  • Our church home that is our extended family bonded together by the blood of Christ. 
  • Our family home with father, mother and children held together by blood ties.

There is an eternal perspective to our earthly life that we want to bring to you. As we live on earth, we are preparing ourselves for that heavenly home where we will dwell in eternity.

Biblical Perspective of Our Earthly Life:

  • Our earthly life is the training ground for our heavenly life.
  • Our earthly life is a temporal sojourn compared with our heavenly life that is eternal.
  • Our earthly life is to be lived as strangers and pilgrims transiting to a better life.
  • Our earthly life is not all there is to life.

Oftentimes, our earth-bound perspective causes us not to see and understand the true meaning and purpose of life that we cannot understand and see unless our Maker revealed it to us.

The father and son relationship on earth is a picture of the Father-son relationship we shall have for eternity in heaven. 

To understand this relationship in eternity, our earthly life is the training ground. The purpose and mind of God may not be fully understood by the created being. 

So comes the Apostle Paul’s teaching concerning the sacred role of children in Colossians 3:20.

20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. 

There is an earthly shadow and there is a heavenly significance.

Family Relationship between Father and Son is the relationship we have with our Father in eternity. Why did we have a heavenly Father?

Existence – The word “father” means “the source and originator of”. When you call someone father you are acknowledging that “you are from” – I am from you (Father). Father means “bring about you, come about by”. He is the father of so and so. Called Father means you are from Him. First function of the father is creating you. You cannot come about until you are produced. Concept is that we receive our existence from the Father in heaven. Earthly father is a shadow of the heavenly Father. Without the earthly father you do not have body. Without a heavenly Father we do not have spiritual life. From the earthly father we know that we cannot come about without someone producing you. Similarly, we can understand that without God, we do not have a soul. Why are children conceived and born and not created like the angels? Adam and Eve are created complete in adulthood. No need to grow in wisdom. In Eden, God spoke to Adam and Eve because sin separated them from God.

Likeness – You have a likeness to the Father – we are made in the image of God. Like father, like son! A son’s character or behaviour can be expected to resemble that if his father.

  1. We reflect the attributes or character of God.

Nourishing and Glooming – Subsequent function of the father is care and nurture, nourish, educating, typify our heavenly Father maturing us spiritually. 

Thank God for fathers and mothers. We remember their influence in our lives. We remember their love, care and nurturing. The Bible teaches us in the fifth commandment to honour father and mother (Exodus 20:12 cf. Ephesians 6:3). This is the first commandment pertaining to human relations and the only commandment with the promise of blessing.

It is in this role of nurturing and nourishing and care that we see the injunction given here in Colossians 3:20.

20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. 

The word “obey” is a command that speaks of continuous or continual action. Here obedience is in all things, it means literally “all things”.

It is a holy injunction, the command of God, that children obey their parents. The word “obey” means “submit to”, “subject to”. 

The word “obey” means “to hear under”. It means to listen with attentiveness and to respond positively to what is heard. In other words, children are to put themselves under the words and authority of their parents.[1]

Sam Gordon said well, “The child who is brought up to obey and honour their parents will be always sensitive to their wisdom, counsel and welfare.”

More generally, the word “obey” means “to comply with the commands, orders or instructions of a superior, or with the requirements of law, moral, political or municipal; to do that which is commanded or required, or to forbear doing that which is prohibited.” [Webster]

  • Scriptural Admonition 

This admonition is in line with the tenet of teaching in Scriptures in the Old Testament Torah in particular the fifth commandment.

Exodus 20:12 (KJV) Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Keeping the fifth is foundational to keeping the rest of the commandments. 

Steve Cole observed well, “If we truly honour our parents, we will not disgrace their name by becoming a murderer, by being unfaithful to our marriage vows, by stealing, by lying, or by the greed and discontent underlying covetousness. The keeping of the Fifth Commandment also works back toward the first four. If we are rebellious and disrespectful toward our parents who gave us life and sustenance, we will also probably be rebellious and disrespectful toward the Lord God, our Creator and Sustainer. Disrespect toward parents and God will also carry over into disrespect for all authority, and thus will result in a breakdown of law and order, leading to a disintegration of the very basis for civilized society. Thus, the keeping of the Fifth Commandment is not some outmoded, quaint idea to be set aside without consequence.”

May the Lord help children honour their parents for His glory through their obedience by giving respect, love, care and giving of our time.

DL Moody also observed well, “BEGIN IN THE HOME – The first four commandments deal with our relations to God. They tell us how to worship and when to worship; they forbid irreverence and impiety in word and act. Now God turns to our relations with each other, and isn’t it significant that He deals first with family life? “God is going to show us our duty to our neighbour. How does He Begin? Not by telling us how kings ought to reign, or how soldiers ought to fight, or how merchants ought to conduct their business, but how boys and girls ought to behave at home.”

20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing (εὐάρεστος euárestos – full agreegable; acceptable) unto the Lord. 

Well-pleasing speaks of that which God wills and recognizes (Rom. 12:1, 2; Eph. 5:10; Phil. 4:18; Col. 3:20; Heb. 13:21); to persons (Rom. 14:18; 2 Cor. 5:9); concerning slaves (Titus 2:9).

Romans 14:18 (KJV) For he that in these things serveth Christ is acceptable to God, and approved of men.

2 Corinthians 5:9 (KJV) Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of him.

The law of God places great emphasis and grave consequences of disobedience to parents.

Exodus 21:15-17 (KJV) And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death. And he that stealeth a man, and selleth him, or if he be found in his hand, he shall surely be put to death. And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.

Leviticus 20:9 (KJV) For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.

With obedience and honour come God’s blessings. Therefore, parents are to teach children obedience for the preservation and prosperity of body and soul.

Deuteronomy 5:16 (KJV) Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Deuteronomy 21:18 (KJV) If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:

Deuteronomy 21:19-21 (KJV) Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Solomon likewise gives such admonition for children to obey the teachings of their parents.

Proverbs 1:8 (KJV) My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:

Proverbs 6:20 (KJV) My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:

Proverbs 30:17 (KJV) The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it.

The prophet Malachi likened a son honouring the father as the spiritual son honouring the heavenly Father. 

Malachi 1:6 (KJV) A son honoureth his father, and a servant his master: if then I be a father, where is mine honour? and if I be a master, where is my fear? saith the LORD of hosts unto you, O priests, that despise my name. And ye say, Wherein have we despised thy name?

Likewise, Christ taught:

Matthew 15:4-6 (KJV) For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.

Mark 7:10-13 (KJV) For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death: But ye say, If a man shall say to his father or mother, It is Corban, that is to say, a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; he shall be free. And ye suffer him no more to do ought for his father or his mother; Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.

The Apostle Paul likewise taught:

Ephesians 6:1-3 (KJV) Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

It is rightful that children obey their parents because it is the Lord’s will according to His revealed Word. God decrees it. He commanded it. As such, rightly, we follow for our well-being and blessing because God is the Arbiter of truth from error, right from wrong. 

The little phrase “in the Lord” refers to the sphere of pleasing the Lord. It means when a child obeys his parents, he is doing it for the sake of the Lord Jesus. When children obey their mothers and fathers it is a reflection of their obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ.[2]

When do children not obey their parents? In matters that will bring dishonour and disobedience to God’s Word.

Acts 4:19-20 But Peter and John answered and said unto them, Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken unto you more than unto God, judge ye. For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard.

The word “obey” is in the present continuous tense, children are to continually obey their parents, it is to be a way or habit of a blessed life.

Hendricksen observed well, “Disobedience to parents is one of the vices of paganism (Rom. 1:30). 

Romans 1:30 (KJV) Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

It marks the ever-increasing wickedness of “the last days” (2 Tim. 3:2). 

2 Timothy 3:2 (KJV) For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

The soul-destructive falsehood that would abolish all parental authority — the very word “authority” being anathema in certain educational circles! —, so that children no longer need to pay any attention to their father’s instruction or to their mother’s teaching, is directly contrary to the clear teaching of Scripture, both Old and New Testament. Godly parents do not inflict upon their children the cruelty of telling them that they should do “just as they please.” 

According to both Scripture and experience children are not only immature but also sinful by nature, wholly incapable by nature to choose the good (Ps. 51:5).

Psalm 51:5 (KJV) Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

And because of this the admonition in the form in which it is found here is very comprehensive: the children are exhorted to obey their parents “in all things,” always subject to the limitation of Acts 5:29.

Acts 5:29 (KJV) Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.

Such obedience is well-pleasing. This word is generally (though not expressly here in Col. 3:20) modified by “to God” or “to the Lord” (Rom. 12:1; 14:18; 2 Cor. 5:9; Eph. 5:10; Phil. 4:18; cf. Heb. 13:21). 

This modifier may certainly also be viewed as implied in our present passage. That God is pleased with this obedience is clear from the fact that he himself in the Decalogue pronounced a special blessing upon it (Ex. 20:12; Deut. 5:16), to which the apostle refers in the parallel Ephesian passage (Eph. 6:2, 3). For that matter, obedience to God’s commandments is always well-pleasing to him! That it is carried out “in the Lord,” that is, in fellowship with and dependence upon him, is understood by every child, whether older or younger, who from the heart is able to sing:

“When we walk with the Lord

In the light of his Word,

What a glory he sheds on our way!

While we do his good will

He abides with us still,

And with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way

To be happy in Jesus,

But to trust and obey.” (J. H. Sammis)[3]

  • The Implication of obedience and observing the 5th Commandment

We can see if their home life is all right, they are almost sure to fulfil the law both in regard to God and man. Parents stand in the place of God to their children in a great many ways until the children arrive at years of discretion. If the children are true to their parents, it will be easier for them to be true to God. He used the human relationship as a symbol of our relationship to Him both by creation and by grace. God is our Father in heaven. We are His offspring.

On the other hand, if they have not learned to be obedient and respectful at home, they are likely to have little respect for the law of the land. It is all in the heart; and the heart is prepared at home for good or bad conduct outside. The tree grows the way the twig is bent.

“Honour thy father and thy mother.” That word “honour” means more than mere obedience — a child may obey through fear. It means love and affection, gratitude, respect. We are told that in the east the words “father” and “mother” include those who are “superiors in age, wisdom and in civil or religious station,” so that when the Jews were taught to honor their father and mother it included all who were placed over them in these relations as well as their parents. Isn’t there a crying need for that same feeling today? The lawlessness of the present time is a natural consequence of the growing absence of a feeling of respect for those in authority. [Steve Cole]

  • The Blessing of Obedience 

Temporal Blessing or Curse

Moody said well, “I believe it to be literally true that our temporal condition depends on the way we act upon this commandment. “Honour thy father and mother, (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest live long on the earth.” “Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord they God giveth thee.” “Cursed is he that setteth light by his father or mother.” “Whoso curseth his father or mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness.” 

It would be easy to multiply texts from the Bible to prove this truth. Experience teaches the same thing. A good, loving son generally turns out better than a refractory son. 

Obedience and respect at home prepare the way for obedience to the employer and are joined with other virtues that help toward a prosperous career, crowned with a ripe, honorued old age. Disobedience and disrespect for parents are often the first steps — in the downward track. Many a criminal has testified that this is the point where he first went astray. I have learned one thing in my fifty years if I have learned nothing else — that no man or woman who dishonours father or mother ever prospers.

Young man, if your parents are still living treat them kindly. Do all you can to make their declining years sweet and happy. Bear in mind that this is the only commandment that you may not always be able to obey. As long as you live, you will be able to serve God, to keep the sabbath, to obey all the other commandments, but the day comes to most men when father and mother die. What bitter feelings you will have when the opportunity has gone by, if you fail to show them the respect and love that is their due! 

How long is it since you wrote to your mother? Perhaps you have not written home for months, or it may be for years. How often I get letters from mothers urging me to try and influence their sons!

Which would you rather be — a Joseph or an Absalom? Joseph wasn’t satisfied until he had brought his old father down into Egypt. He was the greatest man in Egypt, next to Pharaoh; he was arrayed in the finest garments; he had Pharaoh’s ring on his hand, and a gold chain about his neck, and they cried before him, “Bow the knee.” Yet when he heard Jacob was coming, he hurried out to meet him. He wasn’t ashamed of the old man, with his shepherd’s clothes. What a contrast we see in Absalom. That young man broke his father’s heart by his rebellion, and the Jews are said to throw a stone at Absalom’s pillar to the present day, whenever they pass it, as a token of their horror of Absalom’s unnatural conduct.

Come, now are you ready to be weighed? If you have been dishonouring your father and mother, step into the scales and see how quickly you will be found wanting. See how quickly you will strike the beam. I don’t know any man who is much lighter than one who treats his parents with contempt. Do you disobey them just as much as you dare? Do you try to deceive them? Do you call them old-fashioned, and sneer at their advice? How do you treat that venerable father and praying mother?

You may be a professing Christian, but I wouldn’t give much for your religion unless it gets into your life and teaches you how to live. I wouldn’t give a snap of my finger for a religion that doesn’t begin at home and regulate your conduct toward your parents. 

The application of this goes beyond parental authority. [DL Moody]

CONCLUSION

Thank God for His precious Word. Amen.

[1] Sam Gordon, The Genius of Grace – the message of EPHESIANS, Ambassador Publications, 2003, 361.

[2] Sam Gordon, The Genius of Grace – the message of EPHESIANS, Ambassador Publications, 2003, 361.

[3] Hendriksen, W., & Kistemaker, S. J. (1953–2001). Exposition of Colossians and Philemon (Vol. 6, pp. 170–171). Baker Book House.